I puked a lego.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
