Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
