I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
