everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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