i always forget guys have bellybuttons
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
