I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
