wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
