what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
