The maid of honor just puked.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
