new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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