Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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