I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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