I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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