vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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