i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
