He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
