Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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