We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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