You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
