My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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