I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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