I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
