remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
