I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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