I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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