drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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