Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
