What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
