She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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