This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
