Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize