There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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