The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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