wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
