I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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