ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
