Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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