arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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