No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
