I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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