Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
