i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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