his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
