I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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