i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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