Im at strip club and am horny
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone owes me an orgasm
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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