last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
