areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
