Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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