its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
