I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
