do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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