I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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