I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Randomize
