"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
