She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
