shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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