i think my tv is drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
