her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Bring me that man meat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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