Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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