My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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