At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
