I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
