Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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