I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
