I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
