I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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