At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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