I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize